Today you can't escape "Abet and Aid Punsters Day." Be a groan-up and paste a smile on your face when you hear one of these (and you will):
Walter Cronkite and Virginia Potato (yes, a real potato) were in love. But her father objected: "I'm not going let any daughter of mine marry a commentator."
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
The orchestra was performing Beethoven's Symphony no. 9, a piece in which the bass section doesn't play for a long stretch toward the end. The section decided to leave the stage and grab a few beers across the street. Two players passed out and rest got back late. The conductor was furious. It was the bottom of the ninth, there were two men out and the basses were loaded.